El Dorado, KS. On Tuesday, approximately 17 members of the small Kansas town protested Jacob’s Well Café and Coffee house, saying that the food they serve is “too tempting” for them to resist. “I have gained twelve pounds in the last six months from their cookies alone,” said protester Thomas Billinger. “I have a weakness, and it’s on them to know that by now.”
“I told them we shouldn’t picket so close to their location,” said a middle-aged businesswoman who was sitting on the sidewalk with a sign reading Go to H#$$, Jacob’s Well. “I can smell the sandwiches on the Panini grill from here.” (At press time, this woman was seen being pulled back onto the sidewalk by Billinger and other protesters).
Attempts have been made to get the police involved, but local law enforcement was unavailable to comment due to being in a meeting catered by Jacob’s Well.