LOCKE’S LASHES LYING!—Shocking story of mascara addiction and cover up


El Dorado, KS—The city is in shock this morning, as an active member of the community has been caught in scandal.

Chase Locke has struggled to rise to his position as an influential city leader due to multiple allegations of using makeup to enhance his popularity. These allegations have previously been dismissed due to a lack of physical evidence. That all changed when an accomplice came forward to the police.

“I have been buying for him for years,” said Amy Hall, also of El Dorado. “It started as just a one time thing—he asked me to pick up an extra tube of mascara for him, and made me promise not to tell anyone.”

That was 11 years ago. Hall’s official statement to the police said that his condition has gotten worse over time, and at this point she was picking up multiple tubes of mascara per week.

“It’s always been difficult to keep quiet about it, especially when I hear people complimenting him about his beautiful eyelashes, but the last straw was when he called me at 3:30 am a couple nights ago demanding that I go get him some right then. He sounded bad—I told him I couldn’t do this anymore.”

As he had been using city funds to support his habit, Locke is being charged with Embezzlement under chapter 9, article 20, section 12 (9-2012) of city law—a level 7 non-personal felony. The prosecuting attorney is asking for additional charges, since the amount of money he stole exceeded $10,000; however, there is a possibility he will get off with only 18 months of probation.

An anonymous source at the El Dorado Police Department commented on the potential sentence. “Oh we’ll throw the book at him, for sure,” said the anonymous source, “or my name isn’t Sam Humig.”

When asked about the charges, Locke simply responded, “Maybe I was born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline.”

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